Holding Grudges

On my mom’s side of the family, holding grudges is common practice. For that reason, I haven’t spoken to my mom’s parents in 20 years. Not by my choosing initially, because they choose to write us off. But after a while, I began to grow the same attitude back. These days, I have no idea whether or not the grudge is still there from them to us…but I know I have to be careful in my attitude and thinking, because it can still rear its ugly head because of the pain of the past. Holding a grudge is a dangerous thing. It’s contagious and an evil practice. Not only that, the guilt that lives within can destroy a person. Today’s sermon is a two part sermon. We’ll talk today about holding grudges and next week, we’ll look into the solution for grudges; forgiveness. Our scripture for today is Genesis 50:15-21. If you would, please read along with me. 15 When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said to one another, "If Joseph is holding a grudge against us, he will certainly repay us for all the wrong we caused him." 16 So they sent this message to Joseph, "Before he died your father gave a command: 17 'Say this to Joseph: Please forgive your brothers' transgression and their sin—the wrong they caused you.' Therefore, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father." Joseph wept when their message came to him. 18 Then his brothers also came to him, bowed down before him, and said, "We are your slaves!" 19 But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result—the survival of many people. 21 Therefore don't be afraid. I will take care of you and your little ones." And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. Joseph’s brother’s are in a mess here. They are begging for forgiveness from Joseph for selling him into slavery, who incidentally told them not to be angry at themselves because what happened to him was of God’s doing for all of their good. But the real issue here is not that Joseph has lacked forgiving them, but that his brothers fear a grudge. They are so worried that Joseph is going to harm them for what they did to him years earlier. It had been 17 years since Jacob and the family moved from Canaan to Egypt…yet after all that time, they still feared it. Guilt is a horrible thing. Living with guilt can rip apart the lives of a family. Joseph’s brothers were seeking something that they had gotten from Joseph already…they just didn’t think they had. Really what they were having trouble with is forgiving themselves. For years, they had been living with the guilt of what they did to Joseph. They weren’t able to put it behind them because they hadn’t allowed themselves to be forgiven. In truth, they were holding a grudge against themselves. Whether or not we realize it, we hold grudges all the time. For me, since it is a natural thing that comes with one side of my family, this is an area that I have to guard against. For me it is so easy to get angry at someone and be mad at them forever about it. I repeatedly have to pound myself in the head and remind myself that it isn’t right to do this. Not only that, but I cannot bind myself up in guilt either. I am horrible at holding a grudge against myself; especially for things that I have done wrong in the past. Like Joseph’s brothers, I get paranoid over something I did eons ago and wonder if they’re still mad at me for it. The truth is, I haven’t the slightest clue! Joseph’s brothers did do something right in this passage. They confronted the person they thought was holding a grudge against them. The problem is Joseph forgave them 17 years in the past. We must do the same thing. If we think someone is holding a grudge against us, we have to confront them about it. We have to talk it out, iron it out and seek the healing we, quite possibly, both need. On Monday, December 8, 1997, tragedy struck Heath High School in Paducah, KY. According to Roy Maynard in World magazine, a small group of students, who conducted a daily prayer meeting in a hallway near the administrative offices finished morning prayers and were about to head off to classes. Shortly after the final amen, it is alleged that a freshman named Michael, whom the prayer group leader had befriended earlier in the year, opened fire on the students with a .22 caliber automatic. The group’s leader, Ben Strong, called out, “Mike what are you doing?” and walked toward him. After firing ten rounds, Michael finally dropped his gun. Ben Strong walked up and put his arms around the gunman, urging him to calm down. Three students were killed in the shooting spree, and five were wounded, including one paralyzed. The girl who was paralyzed, Missy Jenkins, was one of the first victims to send Michael a note. It read, “Tell Michael I forgive him.” When I lived in Paducah, I went to Tech School with Missy. Although paralyzed, she held no grudges against her assailant. She was positive and a very happy person. She was paralyzed and lost 3 friends in that attack and it was amazing to me that she never held a grudge. I always said that I wasn’t sure if I could do the same. Michael took so much away from her, but she’s so forgiving of him. How many people have you wronged or have wronged you, and you still hold grudges against? Is the guilt of a grudge weighing you down? Sometimes even the best of people carry grudges. Former President Jimmy Carter is no different. He ran for President against Ronald Reagan in 1980 and obviously lost. The reason for this was attributed to a debate win. This debate was televised and prior to the debate, according to David Wallis in the New York Times Magazine, columnist George Will came upon Carter’s debate notes and sneaked them to the Reagan camp. From here, Reagan went on to win the election. Carter however, did not forget what George Will had done. In an interview in 1997 with Wallis, Former President Carter said: “I was teaching forgiveness one day in Sunday school, and I tried to go through my memory about people whom I had resentment. George Will was one of those people, so I wrote him a note. I asked myself, What do we have in common, and I had known that he had written a book about baseball, which I had refused to read. I went to a bookstore and found a remaindered copy. Paid a dollar for it. So I wrote him a note and told him the facts: that I had a feeling of resentment toward him, that I had found his book delightful and I hoped that we would be permanently reconciled. He wrote me back a nice, humorous note. He said his only regret was that I didn’t pay full price for his book.” Friends, anyone can hold a grudge, but it truly takes character to initiate the reconciliation. Joseph’s brothers had the right idea. They knew they needed to confront Joseph. Unfortunately, Joseph had already forgive them. They needed to move past it. We cannot go through life despising people for what they’ve done to us. We cannot go through life despising ourselves for what we’ve done. Forgiveness must be had and we have to strive to forgive ourselves of our own trespasses…of our own debts. Guilt over what we’ve done will eat us alive if we let it. President Carter knew he had an issue; and he made the correct move in order to seek reconciliation. Allow yourself to be forgiven of your sins. Allow yourself the capacity to know that you have the blood of Christ covering you. Allow yourself to move on and enjoy life. Joseph’s brothers spent the better part of their lives worried over what would happen to them because of what they had done. They wasted so much time on this that they weren’t able to enjoy life. Don’t make the same mistake. Next week, we’ll talk about the importance of forgiveness toward others. But this week, let’s focus on allowing ourselves to feel the forgiveness.